


I Can Only Promise (the girl that I am)

by Anonymous



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Background Relationships, F/F, Minor Hirai Momo/Minatozaki Sana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23679889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: The girl smiles at her and waves. Nayeon's heart plummets as she waves back and watches her walk away out of her life.Nayeon wasn't even able to get her name.
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Myoui Mina
Comments: 5
Kudos: 62
Collections: Anonymous





	I Can Only Promise (the girl that I am)

Nayeon is eight years old when she understands how the world works.

She watches as three schoolyard bullies push a scraggly kid with glasses into the dirt. She listens, as two girls relentlessly tease one boy for being too feminine. She watches as a boy older than she pulls a classmate's pants down in front of all their friends in the schoolyard. She listens as they laugh.

Nayeon understands the world can be cruel.

Nayeon understands the world does not look kindly on the weak.

The ones in power are strong and unafraid.

Nayeon doesn't have any friends in second grade. But she remains unaffected. It's better to be ignored than pushed down.

That is until her crooked, bunny teeth grow in. Their relentless teasing follows her home—when she looks in the mirror. Their mocking laughter rings in her ears. More than once, she wishes she was prettier—with normal-sized teeth or that she was a bit taller. The teachers try to help, of course, keep bullying to the minimum. But they can't be around everywhere, and they are certainly not around when Hannah Kim pushes her off the jungle tower at the playground.

Nayeon is excited about winter break. This time her parents decide to visit the US for a few weeks. Nayeon has the bare minimum grasp of the English language. It doesn't help her make friends—not that she would've kept any the moment she flies back to Korea.

The resort they stay at has an ice-skating rink, and her parents decide she is old enough to enroll in ice-skating lessons. They leave her at the rink with the promise to come back after a few hours. The coach teaches her for an hour, the duration her parents had paid for, and leaves her to her own devices.

Ice skating, Nayeon discovers, is _not_ easy. It seemed easy enough with a guide. Now, without adult supervision, she stands in the middle of the rink, with wobbly legs. It was times like this that Nayeon wishes she was more athletic. But she had not grown into her gangly limbs just yet.

Nayeon wants to cry. She wants to leave the rink, but her inability to move and her fear of slipping and someone skating over her fingers roots her to the spot. All she wants is to leave the rink and get hot chocolate at the store nearby.

Someone bumps into her, and they fall into a mass of tangled limbs on the ice. The girl stands up quickly. Nayeon does not. The girl offers her hand to Nayeon, who takes it gingerly—her palms still stinging from their fall.

"I'm sorry," the girl says. Nayeon takes the time to observe her. She's pretty—with numerous moles doting her face. She's a little shorter than Nayeon and looked younger too.

"It's okay," Nayeon replies. Her voice heavily accented and muffled through the scarf. The girl smiles, and her face lights up.

Nayeon notes, idly, how different they are. The girl moved with grace—not unlike a ballerina. Apparels unencumbered her. The only thing keeping her warm was a pair of mittens and her parka. Unlike Nayeon, who had been bundled up to the nines with a beanie, scarf, and fur coat. She's sure stranger could only see her eyes.

The girl lets her go, and Nayeon stumbles.

" _Are you okay? Do you want me to teach you how to skate? I'm good at it. I've been skating for a long time."_ The girl says in rapid English, and Nayeon only understands half of it.

Nayeon tries to reply, " _No, English. Not Understand."_

The girl smiles at her and takes her hands. Nayeon lets the girl lead her around the rink.

A cold breeze blows, and Nayeon shivers. She's sure the stranger can feel how cold her hands are. The girl stops. She takes off one of her mittens, with a penguin crocheted on the back, and puts it on Nayeon's left hand. Then she takes Nayeon's right hand and clasps it in her own, " _So, we'll both be warm."_

Later, after they've fallen twice and circled the rink at least 4x, Nayeon decides that skating is fun.

* * *

Her parents find her at the café near the rink a few hours later, one bare hand clasped around a chocolate mug across the girl whose name she hasn't gotten yet. Nayeon runs to them and tells them about her new friend.

When she turns back at her table, she finds the girl's parents leading her away. The girl smiles at her and waves. Nayeon's heart plummets as she waves back and watches her walk away out of her life.

Nayeon wasn't even able to get her name.

* * *

It is only later when Nayeon prepares to shower that she realizes she's still wearing the girl's mitten. When they get back to Korea, she keeps it in her drawer. A memento of the only friend she's made—someone thousands of miles away. One that she will likely never meet again.

* * *

When Nayeon turns thirteen, she gets braces. The ones they attach to the back of her teeth—hidden away from sight. She wants to dentist to file her teeth smaller, but her parents won't allow her.

Her classmates continue to tease her—the quiet kid with crooked teeth who won't fight back.

Nayeon experiments with make-ups and new hairdos in an attempt to change her image. But it's hard to do so when you're with the same people who watched you try to eat a crayon in 1st grade.

When her family moves and Nayeon changes schools at 15 years old, she resolves to be on top of the social pyramid.

* * *

Her father donates a lot of money to JYP Academy to better his position at the District's local Rotary Club, and Nayeon is enrolled at the school for free.

JYP Academy is a new place to start. But it is just like any other school, and Nayeon understands well how social hierarchies work. She's suffered too much at the hands of the bullies at her old school to know just how to get to the top.

Over the summer, Nayeon learns how to fix her hair and dress well. She sets her skincare routine and ensures regular visits to the dermatologist to maintain her picture-perfect skin. Her teeth have straightened out, but she can't do anything about her bunny teeth at this point.

Nayeon has a plan.

When she enters the school on her first day with her head held high, exuding confidence, she wished she actually had. She befriends the two most popular girls—Sana and Momo. Pretty girls who would've pulled on her pigtails and called her names at her old school.

No one knows her here. She can bury her past behind. She dons on the persona of someone she hates.

Nayeon quickly takes the title of 'It Girl' at JYP. No one opposes her rule. Boys who wouldn't have given her the time of day two years ago flocked at her locker and showered her with gifts. Girls who would have teased her relentlessly praised her for looks and called her bunny teeth her 'cute point'.

Nayeon would maintain her status as the elusive elite of the school. The geeks and nerds would remain at the bottom of the social hierarchy. She would roll her eyes at the nerds who tried to come near her and laugh when the jocks pushed them into lockers. They would embarrass the girls who came in with acne on their faces and jeer at them until they cried.

The popular kids would egg each other on—trying to get each other's approval. To see who were the toughest and more popular. High school kids were cruel, and Nayeon was glad she wasn't at the receiving end of that cruelty. She would do anything not to be at the receiving end of that cruelty.

* * *

_She_ makes the mistake of joining the Gamer's Society at JYP.

By all intents and purposes, joining the Gamer's Society was social suicide.

Nayeon learns that her name is Mina Myoui. The weird, new Japanese kid that transferred in from America. That same kid that skated with Nayeon during winter break years ago. Her face was unmistakable—pretty eyes, thin lips, and numerous moles that dotted her face.

Nayeon doesn't make her into a target. She could ignore that weird, American-Japanese, quiet girl in the corner who could barely speak a lick of Korean. She was pretty, and it was the reason that everyone else gave her a pass even when she was a member of the Gamer's Society.

Until Mina makes the mistake of accidentally dropping her lunch in front of Sana's feet. The splatter of the pasta reaching Sana's brand new, very, very white sneakers.

The cafeteria holds its breath, waiting for Nayeon, as the ring leader, gives her verdict.

(Nayeon would do anything to maintain her reputation—even push Mina—the only person she's considered a friend, the one who had shown her kindness, down the social hierarchy.)

Mina doesn't apologize, and Nayeon throws what was left of her diet soda into Mina's face.

She gets called in the principal's office for that.

(Not that she received any punishment. An 'oral reprimand' would have to suffice for the daughter of one of the most significant donors the school has.)

And with that single move, Nayeon cements her place and Mina's at the school social ladder. People fear her and actively try to remain in her good graces. The popular kids take it as a signal to change their tactics.

More incidences of dousing people in soda happen, and people started getting more creative: dunking kids heads in the toilet, tripping them up when they hold the lunch tray, filling their lockers with gunk. The teachers punish them, but it only seems to egg them on. Who gets punished more for doing something ridiculously cruel to someone else.

Mina takes the brunt of it after the cafeteria fiasco. It doesn't matter that she's pretty or that she's never done anything to hurt anyone else. The moment Nayeon upturned her glass of soda in her face, she had doomed her to a life of misery. Mina would get pushed in lockers. She would have to cut her hair short after someone deliberately puts gum in her hair. It is easy to bully someone like Mina—someone who didn't fight back.

Nayeon meets her in the restroom one day. Mina looks at her with fear. She turns and locks herself away in the stall. Nayeon feels the first tendrils of guilt. But she will not let one afternoon ruin her social standing at school. She's spent too much time at the bottom. Nayeon washes her hands and turns to leave.

She pretends not to hear the quiet sobs that come from Mina's stall.

* * *

In her third year at JYP Academy, Nayeon and Sana get roped in by Momo to join the school play.

It was a musical, and Momo loves dancing, and where Momo goes, Sana goes.

(While geeky theater kids are generally on the bottom of the social ladder, no one is willing to confront either Sana or Nayeon.)

Nayeon is surprised to see Mina at the auditorium.

She dances with the grace of a ballerina—smooth movements and clean lines when she finishes a pirouette, Momo bounds over and praises her—like she wasn't the best friend of the girl who had caused all of Mina's torment for a year.

Nayeon wonders if Momo was genuinely nice or just a bit too dim to realize Mina is an enemy. Mina accepts her enthusiasm with hesitation. Sana scoffs at their interaction, obviously, a little jealous of the joy Momo had with her new friend.

* * *

It is hard to be mean to someone you spend a lot of time with. Even Sana, who had initially been hostile, now fawned over Mina. Mina was sweet, quiet. A kind soul who knits for tiny beanies for charity. Mina, who was an organ donor. Mina who never had a bad word to say to anybody even when the world had been so cruel to her.

Now that Nayeon and Sana were no longer actively targeting her, the rest of the popular kids had moved on to targeting new first-year students. Innocent and weaker prey who didn't know how to hide from their seniors yet.

(Since SaMoYeon have joined the musical, geeky theater kids are no longer targets was a new unspoken rule at JYP Academy.)

Nayeon is offered the starring role, and the school play ends with resounding success. So much so that the school had already commissioned Mr. Park to write another one for their senior year. In celebration, Mr. Park brings the entire cast to a mountain resort.

Nayeon finds herself sitting in front of the ice-skating rink, watching her classmates roll around the rink. Years have passed since meeting Mina in the States, and she still hasn't learned how to skate. Mina sits beside her, the first time the girl has voluntarily tried to get close to her. Nayeon tries to give her what she thinks is a good-natured smile.

"You don't know how to skate too?" Nayeon says, pretending not to know just how well Mina could skate. Mina probably doesn't even remember Nayeon. It was already so long ago.

Mina looks surprised Nayeon started talking to her at all, "No, I do."

"Then, why are you here?"

Mina looked pensive for a moment, internally debating how much she was going to reveal to Nayeon. "I made a friend on an ice-skating rink once." Nayeon's heart sinks. "I didn't get her name. She couldn't really speak English and we didn't really understand each other. But she was probably the first friend I made. Skating on the ice reminds me of a friend I lost. But, she probably doesn't even remember me anymore." Mina shakes her head, "Its probably sounds silly to you. I'm just going to go—"

"Wait!" Nayeon grabs her wrist. "Maybe… you could teach me? And make new friends skating?"

Mina looked at her in confusion. Nayeon wanted to smack herself. Of course, Mina wouldn't want to associate with her, not after everything Nayeon has put her through.

"Okay."

Later, when Mina laughs at Nayeon's wobbly legs as she tries to lead the girl around the rink, Nayeon pretends she's 8 years old, skating with Mina and laughs along with her.

* * *

During her last year at JYP, Nayeon resolves to be nicer to Mina. They aren't exactly the best of friends, but it's hard not to be friendly when they now have a similar circle of friends.

It gets even harder when Mina gets cast alongside her, and she has practice with Mina all the time.

Mina is good in all the ways Nayeon isn't. She calm and collected. The girl who looks pretty even when she cries. The smart kid who tutors Sana and Momo even when they had been so mean to her during her first and second year at JYP. The one who taught Nayeon how to skate. The one who remained good even when the world was out to get her. The closer they got, the more awkward it became to bring up that afternoon in the skating rink.

Nayeon will never tell her about the girl in the skating rink.

Not when she was genuinely friends with Mina this time.

Nayeon's last year at JYP passes by in a flash. The popular kids had stopped tormenting Mina (though she can see Mina still subtly flinch whenever Nayeon buys a soda) the moment Momo had hugged Mina in the middle of the hallway.

Sometimes, Nayeon worries for Mina. Mina was just too nice for her own good. She'd forgiven Nayeon without Nayeon needing to apologize, and for the first time in a while, Nayeon's life was looking up. Nayeon is about to graduate high school with her best friends. She's about to move to a college she wants to attend.

Really, at this point, Nayeon's just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

* * *

The other shoe drops in Nayeon's brand new dorm at the beginning of the semester.

Sana and Momo had opted to get a dorm together on campus, and while Nayeon genuinely loves her friends, she does not want to spend the rest of her semester walking in on them. She somehow manages to score a single room. Mina, who had already settled in at her college an hour away, had tagged along Sana and Momo to help them unpack. Nayeon takes one look at SaMo in their dorm room and drags Mina away.

"But I'm supposed to—"

"Nope. You really don't wanna be there. You're helping me instead."

(She's really doing Mina a favor here. No one wants to be in the room when Sana and Momo start making out.)

"Your room is really nice," Mina says as she opens the box labeled clothes. "It's bigger than mine, and it's facing east. You'll get nice sunlight here in the morning."

"That just means I'm going to have a hard time sleeping in," Nayeon was busy placing her books on the shelf beside her bed. "You don't have to fold those. Can you just dump those in the closet beside the bathroom?"

"You're not going to find anything if I do that." Mina looked horrified at Nayeon's suggestion. She dumps the box of unfolded clothes on Nayeon's bed and starts methodically folding them. "Did you just dump them all in here? Why do you have so many clothes anyway? Your house isn't that far from here."

"Yes. It's too tiring to fold clothes. They'll get wrinkled anyway. And, I don't want to keep going back and forth. Its why I asked for the biggest available solo room."

Mina laughs, "Yeah, you're roommate's going to hate you. You have so---

Mina stops talking, and Nayeon turns to ask her what's wrong when she sees the mitten in Mina's hands. A hundred thoughts race through her head. How was she going to explain this?

"Nayeon," Mina says, her voice flat. "What is this?"

Nayeon's tongue feels like lead.

"It was _you_?"

Nayeon nods.

"Did you know?" Mina's eyes were already feeling with tears. "Did you know it was me?"

Nayeon doesn't answer her. But her silence is enough.

"What the fuck, Nayeon?" Mina doesn't curse. Her face bunches up resentment, anger, and hurt evident on her face, eyes already filling with tears. "Why?"

_Why_ is heavily laden: _Why did you torture me back then? Why did you throw that soda in my face? Why didn't you talk to me? Why didn't you tell me?_

There are a hundred things Nayeon wants to say:

_You were my first friend too. I remember you. I was bullied in my old school, and I didn't want to happen again, and pushing people down is the only way to stay on top because you were so nice even when I was mean to you. Because I was weak and I think I might like you and I thought about you a lot, and I needed you to push me away._

Instead of saying any of these, Nayeon remains silent.

Mina laughs in frustration, and she gets up to leave. She's by the door when,

"Mina, please," Nayeon begs. "I'm sorry."

Mina stands still, and for a moment, Nayeon thinks that maybe Mina might be able to forgive her. Then, the moment is gone as Mina opens the door and leaves the room.

And Nayeon watches her walk out of her life for the second time.


End file.
